finally not falling apart...

there is now, finally, after a long time, something i can count on. two things.
1. my friends, they are the most amazing fun bunch of people.
2. my amazing boyfriend, who i can't bear to be without.
these two amazing things, have started to get my mind into check, and stopping it from going AWOL constantly.

today was interesting, ally discovered g-spots, cody discovered our group, john went nutso..again, we d&m'd and that was about it.

there's not much else that happened today, i got my arse KICKED at training tonight. and i'm going to be verrry sore tomorrow. lucky all i'm doing is study :

i can't describe the feeling of happiness when i see alex in the morning and that first smile i get, for me its a feeling of relief seeing him there, dreading the days when he will be away. when i felt his arm around me today at reccess, i felt as if he was emotionally clinging to me, it was a nice feeling, and whats even greater, being called beautiful, instead of cute, that just pisses me off.

now there is this friend i have, and he is a great guy. he is funny, secretly caring and honest. and we had really nice talk today, and i said something to try and cheer him up and stir him a bit to get a smile or a laugh out of him, though i failed, i got something really nice out of it. i felt loved and appreciated. even though with alex i feel that all the time, which is a nice change. but this friend of mine, said it in a way that was just simple and easy to understand his honesty. you've got to understand this, when a compliment comes from this guy, when its directed at me, its true, and he is being earnest and caring. and it damn near makes me cry, seeing as the compliments are getting more and more frequent, i could totally get used to that.

and i have another friend that needs a bit of TLC, and man, he sure does get it, from me at least, i try and act like everything is reasonably normal and let him open up first. which does take a while but after two afternoons, and a long walk, it worked, i feel like i've helped, by doing not much at all; which sometimes is the best way to help someone, do nothing, let them come to you. which as few know, i'm very used to.

another dear friend of mine, needs to destress, she worries more than i do, she is generally happy, bubbly, cheeky and soo much fun to be with and around, today was different, my heart broke for her and the angst and hurt she felt. i couldn't help but feel terrible seeing her eyes well up slightly, and then try to pass it off without anyone noticing, well she thought no one noticed.

well, thats it for me, that would have to be my longest blog ever, even though only two people actually read it.
xx