storytime....

As she stared through the misted windows and watched the frost fade from the ground, she contemplated the feeling of loss. She tried to imagine what it would be like if she ever lost someone, she didn’t understand the emotions that were experienced; she didn’t know how to comfort someone that had lost a friend. You wouldn’t call her heartless, she care and even loved. She just didn’t know how to empathise with people, she had never really experienced pain, well at least she thought she hadn’t. Maybe her definition of pain was different to others. She had definitions for physical pain, but not emotional, she had felt sad, but not depressed. Was there something wrong with her? She would be too embarrassed to tell someone, she was scared of confrontation and people talking about her. The thought of confrontation made the temperature on her neck and face rise, colour flooding into her cheeks. The emotion she felt now was numbness, she had lost a friend, a relative with a different family. the sadness hadn't hit yet, it had been three days, she hadn't seen anything but a blur since friday.
"the stage of shock was the longest" she was told, as a doctor told her mother the morning she was admitted to hospital after passing out from "exhaustion". after half a day of tests, that was the outcome of her little trip to the emergency ward of the rural hospital.

the friday that the school was notified of the death, was an eerie day, there were tears and silence, all around, teachers in shock as were the students. there were others that did not know her that, stood and talked about how bad they felt for the friends and family, they would never understand the emotions. many people contemplated saying something to her, but they wouldn't know what, "i'm sorry for your loss" was too generic, so instead people gave a smile and pat on the shoulder or a hug. of course they had no idea what was going on in her mind......